One Shared Nightmare
by BookZombie
Summary: Sometimes when two channelers sleep close to one another their dreams bleed together, it is one of the little quirks that comes with the ability to touch the One Power. One night Gabrelle shares one of Logain's nightmares and this leads to a heated discussion about the ethics of the White Tower's policy on male channelers, and Gabrelle's own feelings concerning those traditions.


(Disclaimer this is a fanfiction written just for my own amusement, I do not have any right to the Wheel of Time setting and I do not want to step on any copyright toes. All honor to those who actually own this wonderful setting.)

**One Shared Nightmare**

Gabrelle was having a pleasant dream, the kind of dream you seldom remember once you have awoken from it, but it was kind and restful, it was the kind of dream that often came after lovemaking when the body was tired but the mind was content. Gabrelle was barely aware of the man that slept next to her, but as she turned in her sleep she wrapped one arm across his strong chest a sweet sigh escaped her lips, a sigh in remembrance of the pleasure the two of them had shared only hours ago, then Gabrelle's dream went from pleasant to horrific.

For a second Gabrelle was aware that the dream she was having was not her own, she dreamt of memories she had thankfully never gained, but that moment of realization was short and fleeting, and it could not protect her from the terror of what she saw as her mind was filled with the nightmares of another. Gabrelle's mind drifted from place to place, like most dreams this one was jumbled and distorted. At one time she was in a cold prison cell, terror building in her heart for something she knew would come, something for which there where no escape now, bitterness mixed with the fear, and rage, but it was impotent, there would be no rescue from the dreaded fate that awaited come dawn. Then the dream shifted to a large courtyard, towers and spires surrounded it and looming above it the ivory shadow of the White Tower, Gabrelle looked down at her hands, in the dream it was a man's hands and she knew them well, the slender, elegant fingers she now saw as her own had caressed her only moments ago, but in that horrific dream the hands where chained, the fingers curled into fists to stop them from shaking. Gabrelle looked up and slowly through the haze that came with dreams she realized where she was, the Traitor's Court, the place where the White Tower executed it's criminals and where male channelers where gentled. These are Logain's memories, the Brown sister thought in a moment of clarity, then her mind was dragged back into the whirlwind of dreaming again, women surrounded her now, women she knew but their faces where distorted, they where no longer her friends, superiors and sisters, they where leering monsters ready to strike. Gabrelle watched in terror as the distorted figures loomed over her, and then there was pain, or rather the memory of pain, of untold, unfathomable agony. A voice in the dream screamed and Gabrelle did not know if it where her own voice or someone else's, then the horrid dreamscape shifted again to a black, bottomless nothing, a deep well of despair so cold and damp that she did not think it would be possible to ever climb out, it was only a memory of emotion, but that memory was so overpowering in it's dark bleakness that it dragged the Aes Sedai out of her dream with a scream on her lips.

Gabrelle suddenly found herself out of bed, she did not know how she had gotten there, her body moved by instinct alone, the Brown sister had grabbed the bed covers and had swooped them around herself, but again how and why she did not know, now she just stood on the cold, wooden floorboard and shivered like a leaf in the wind, her green eyes wide and frightened as she looked at the man who where slowly sitting up in bed, his form naked now that Gabrelle had the bed covers.  
«Those...those where your memories...»  
Gabrelle whispered, she could not seam to get her voice to work for anything more.  
«Distorted by being in a dream yes, but memories non the less, memories of what...what we did to you.»  
Logain Ablar nodded from where he was sitting in bed, for most his face would be unreadable but there was pain in his dark eyes, pain and anger. Over the bond that they shared Gabrelle could feel the channeler draw on saidin, well more she could feel the exhilaration and pleasure that signaled that he did. Logain did not do anything with the Power, he only held it for a few seconds as if to remind himself that it was still there, after what she had seen in that dream Gabrelle could not say she blamed him and had she not been forbidden from channeling she would have done the same, just to feel the Power flowing into her and remind herself that it had just been a dream, no matter how horrific, just a dream.  
«Forgive me Gabrelle, you should never have had to endue that dream, I forgot to set up the wards after we shared a pillow last night.»  
Logain said as he slowly stood, his face was back to stone but through the bond Gabrelle could feel the well of emotions that the dream had brought forth, emotions that threatened to break through the young channeler's iron self control.  
«I...there is nothing to forgive Logain you can not control what you dream.»  
Gabrelle muttered, though that was only partially true. Channelers sometimes shared dreams if they slept in close proximity to one another, or rather the dreams of one could bleed over into the dreams of another, it was just one more of the strange little quirks that came with the gift to touch the True Source, because of this initiates of the White Tower early learned to ward their dreams to prevent this bleeding over from happening, it just would not do to let dreams of one's indiscretions with a pretty stable boy slip into the mind of the girl sleeping in the neighboring room, or more seriously to let the somewhat illegal research one was conducting slide over into the dreams of the sister sleeping on the bedroll next to you when out traveling. Obviously Logain knew of how ward his dreams to, but this time he had forgotten and Gabrelle realized that the man was honestly sorry for the fright he had given her, it was absurd in so many ways, after what Aes Sedai had done to him, Logain stood there with a worried frown on his handsome face and was concerned that seeing some of his pain in a dream had frightened his Brown Ajah prisoner, well that and he probably was not thrilled about her seeing any weakness in him either.  
«Make some tea Gabrelle, you may channel to do so I have a feeling that we can both need it if we are hoping to get more sleep tonight.»  
The dark haired channeler said as he sat down in one of the bedroom's rough, wooden chairs, completely unconcerned about his nakedness. Gabrelle glanced at her captor, he never asked her to channel for such tasks, limiting her access to the Source was one of the ways in which he could control her, perhaps he knew that after that terrible dream she needed to channel, she needed to revel in her ability, if just for a moment after that glimpse of his memories of being without it. Gabrelle could not help but flash Logain a grateful smile as she poured water into a old, porcelain teapot and embraced saidar to weave thin flows of fire to warm it, sighing with contentment as the Power filled her, saidar felt like life itself bloomed in the core of her being, how had her captor ever survived without his ability to channel for well over a year before he was miraculously healed? Gabrelle shivered at the thought and reluctantly let go of saidar, the water was warm enough now, if that dream was any indication Logain's survival had not been an easy task.

A few minutes later Gabrelle handed the former False Dragon a painted porcelain cup filled with steaming hot tea, dried strawberry by the smell of it but she had really not been paying attention while making it, only grabbing the first box of tea leaves she found, so she was not sure. Logain was in a brooding mood now, he did not like to be reminded of that year and a half he had lived without the Power, Gabrelle guessed that if she had been him she would not have enjoyed to think about it either, in fact just as when she was working on making tea she shivered at the thought of it.  
«Do you often dream about it Logain?»  
Gabrelle asked softly as she sat down on the bed, her hands still shaking as she lifted her own teacup, compassion filled her mind, the man she had made love to only a few hours ago had lived with that despair, that bottomless nothingness she had seen a sliver of in the dream they had shared for almost one and a half year, it was hard to hold onto her cold serenity when thinking about that. Light after what Logain had been through it was a wonder that he was not killing her, Toveine and any other Aes Sedai he came across, and yet from the bond all Gabrelle could feel where bitterness and the slightly to warm touch of the teacup against his fingertips, everything else was unreadable.  
«Often enough.»  
The male channeler finally answered before taking a sip from his tea. Gabrelle studied her captor and lover, even naked as a new born babe and shaken from a horrid nightmare he just experienced an air of arrogance surrounded him, a king on his throne could not look more regal, but Logain had not always looked like that. Gabrelle remembers seeing the former False Dragon at the Tower, a pitiful figure then who spent his days wandering aimlessly, wanting to die but lacking the energy to overcome even the simplest obstacle to accomplish it. The Brown sister shivered again, she had met him in a hallway once, his sad, dark eyes filled with tears that flowed down his cheeks and where joined by sobs when he saw her, it was hard to fathom that the regal creature that now looked at her over the rim of his teacup was the same man as the weeping wrench who had wandered the Tower gardens and hallways so many times after his...punishment.  
«I am sorry Logain, for what happened to you.»  
Gabrelle said and looked down, she could not meet that dark stare any longer.  
«Are you now.»  
The dark haired channeler said and put his teacup down on the nearby bedside table.  
«You know I am finding that a little hard to believe, oh do not give me that face I know you can not lie woman, but by sorry you mean you feel compassion for the pain I suffered, you do not mean sorry as in you regret that it was done, Light you even came here with orders to do it again, only the fact that we where to many for your group to overcome saved me or any man here able to channel from that fate, is not that the truth?»  
Logain's demeanor had suddenly changed, he was no longer a king on a throne regarding his newest conquest, oh no now he was a viper looking at a particularly tasty mouse. Gabrelle felt an ice cold knot in her stomach and she had to fight the urge to run and hide, few could face Logain Ablar's gaze when he directed it at you in anger and not flinch, but the Brown sister could not do anything but nod, Logain had read the orders in Toveine's lap desk, there was no point in denying anything, even if she could.  
«The White Tower have it's ways Logain, you know that, and also sooner or later you will go insane and what then? Should we just let you go on a rampage with the One Power, never mind the trouble you caused with that army of yours and that was while you are still sane, I shudder to think what you would do when the madness finally claim you! What we did to you Logain...what we do to men like you, it is an unfortunate necessity, though I am truly sorry for how you have suffered. You are right however, had your numbers been manageable you along with the other men who can channel here would have been gentled and hung, such where our orders.»

For a moment after Gabrelle had spoken the room was silent, only the footsteps of some young Dedicated on night watch outside could be heard, that and the distant barking of a dog, the Brown sister however would have preferred if Logain where the kind of man who would shout and scream when angry, for while he uttered not a single syllable, and his face looked as much as if where cut from marble as it usually did, his eyes where a stormy sea. Deep in those dark brown, nearly black orbs where a lightening storm of anger and that look chilled Gabrelle to the bone, suddenly the beautiful Aes Sedai was very aware of how helpless she was, Logain where both a far stronger channeler than she and he could snap her neck with his bare hands as well if he should choose it, and order her to sit still and wait for it to. Gabrelle sat silently cursing herself for her words, she had not desired to draw Logain Ablar's ire onto herself.  
«Yes you would gentle us and then hang us, killing us obviously would not be enough, you would have to add the worst torture anyone can be forced to endure as well. You know I burned that lap desk because I knew that if the men here learned what was in those orders the lives of the whole lot of fifty one of you would not be worth the dirt under my booth, Light even some of the wives and sweethearts of the students would come at you with frying pans and meat cleavers if they knew what you had planned to do to their menfolk.»  
Logain was fuming now, the man had an iron self control, but when he got angry, he stormed.  
«Killing us...hanging us, that would be one thing, we are an army we expect the enemy to try that, but gentling...»  
The dark haired channeler got a faraway look in his eyes as if the word alone invoked memories he did not welcome.  
«No one deserves that Gabrelle, we are born channelers and we should die channelers.»  
There was such passion in Logain's voice as he spoke that last part, passion and a deep sorrow that his earlier trauma had marked him with, and then rage flared back into his dark brown eyes, he did not raise his voice, but over the bond Gabrelle could feel his mind burn like a forest fire.

The Brown sister slowly rose from her chair, she knelt by Logain's side and put one hand on his arm, looking up at him as meekly as she could, she needed to cool the man's anger now or she would be in allot of trouble.  
«Your men and companions here are an army Logain, that is right, but in some ways so are we, none of us could have refused the Amyrlin's orders in many ways she is our general, the leader of our army, we can not stop and question every order on whatever it is right or not. You are a military man Logain, surly you understand this? Our orders, terrible as they may be where just that, orders to be obeyed, but do not dwell on it please, you have what, five hundred men who can channel here, you are safe, your men are safe, no one can harm you like that again. You got healed Logain, it is a miracle and I do not even pretend to know how, but you where, and you are safe, perhaps it is time to try to forget the past and move on, you have suffered enough if you are not going to be tormented by the memories as well.»  
The male channeler looked down at his Aes Sedai captive and Gabrelle soon felt his warm hand on hers, what was it with this man? Even that slight touch of his fingers over hers made her head spin.  
«Hum...safe, perhaps for now.»  
Logain gave a slight smile, but he had that look in his eyes,the look that came to someone who had experienced to much pain to ever feel completely safe, but as usual he kept most of his emotions bottled up, out of reach to even the woman he had bonded, only that glimmer of old fear in his dark eyes showed that he was not made of emotionless stone. Suddenly Gabrelle felt an strong urge to protect her captor, perhaps it was because of the bond, or perhaps it was due to the love they had been making these past few weeks, but she found herself with an almost desperate desire to never she him hurt again, the Brown sister did not know how to express this new, powerful emotion so she just lent her head against his thigh and felt the warmth of his skin against her cheek.

The two channelers sat like that for a few, peaceful minutes, Gabrelle allowing herself to just be close to the man she had begun to think of as more than a captor and someone to milk for information after lovemaking, and Logain sipping his tea, his mind wandering, and from the glumness of his mood it was not wandering anywhere good.  
«Do you think it will ever change Gabrelle, will your sisterhood ever stop hunting men like me?»  
Logain said after a while, with one finger he lifted Gabrelle's head so that he could look into her eyes when she answered. The Brown sister sigh.  
«I do not know Logain, I honestly do not know. I think that even Elaida will not dare to order an attack on the Black Tower now that she know it's might and sheer numbers, she is not stupid, she knows that even if the Tower reunites and becomes one again and then decide to to go against this place with all our might, even then, if we win, it would end with the death of so many of us, you have found safety in numbers here Ablar.»  
The dark haired channeler nodded, but he did not say anything, he waited for Gabrelle to finish her answer first.  
«But as for male channelers found outside of the protection this place offers, I doubt they will be left alone, at least not by the Red Ajah, in fact it surprises me that none of your men have been captured so far, though since I am a bit out of the loop here you might have missing men for all that I know.»  
Logain shook his head and put his teacup down.  
«No, they are all accounted for, now tell me Gabrelle, do that please you? Are you happy that your sisters have not gotten their hands on any of the Black Tower's students? Or would you have preferred it if I told you some poor fool was sent out recruiting and never returned and that I suspected he was well on his way to Tar Valon to be...well you know what.»  
The Brown sister hesitated, Logain always put her in difficult situations with his questions, they where usually far more direct that she liked, and besides from the darkness in his brown eyes it was clear that the anger that had him close to boiling a few minutes ago where still there simmering just beneath his cool and composed surface, and while Gabrelle did not think Logain would hurt her, you never knew, even a good man could end up doing horrible things if rage pushed him to far.  
«I have no desire to see any man go through...gentling, it is a terrible fate, but as long as saidin is tainted what choice is there? This place scares me Logain, not because I am trapped here with men far more powerful than me, but because sooner or later you will all go insane and then Light help us all. The Aes Sedai order did not start gentling male channelers to be cruel, I know that might be a difficult thing to accept, especially for you considering...well...your past, but it is the truth. We started gentling men to keep the world safe, look at yourself Logain, you can easily destroy a medium sized town with a single weave, if you are honest with yourself do you think it is right to allow someone so powerful to go unchecked until he go insane and start spreading pain and destruction to everyone who get in his way.»  
The anger that had been simmering in Logain's dark eyes sprang back into full bloom, light for a man who kept such a stone like expression most of the time his moods did change quickly, though considering the subject matter of their discussion Gabrelle did not blame him.  
«We will not release a tidal weave of madmen on the world Gabrelle, when one of us get to far gone Taim...»  
Logain's anger flared when he spoke that name, as enraged as the topic of Aes Sedai's treatment of men who could channel made him that might as well be talk about the weather compared to mentioning Mazrim Taim's name, in fact Gabrelle thought her lover might hate Taim about about as much as Elaida did, Gabrelle had to give a small smile as that thought popped into her head, the idea of the two of them having something in common almost brought a giggle to the Brown sister's lips, almost, however one look at Logain's stormy eyes choked that giggle before it even begun, this was not the time for that sort of silliness.  
«Anyway Taim, he give them something in their wine and they fall asleep and never wakes up, it is kind and painless, we allow the men to live as long as they are in control of themselves and then they just all asleep, how is that not better than what you Aes Sedai do?»  
Gabrelle sigh, Logain was right off course, if she had gotten the choice between drinking poison and be...well she did not even want to think the word, she would have drained the whole poison bottle willingly and asked for another, but off course it was not as simple as that now was it? Mazrim Taim's method of dealing with his men's growing insanity might be kinder than what the Tower would have done to them, but it was more to it than what method was the most humane.  
«It is kinder Logain I will give you that, however what happens if the one deciding if a man is sane or not go insane himself? What if you or Taim go over the edge, can any of these men here force you to drink poison against your will? Your system is flawed.»  
Logain suddenly stood, rage flared in his eyes and Gabrelle suddenly found herself backing away from him on her hands and knees in a most undignified way, the reassuring thought that the man who's passionate caresses had thrilled her in bed many a time would never really harm her had fled from her mind.  
«And what your sisterhood do is not flawed?»  
The male channeler growled, Gabrelle like many times before found she wished he would shout, that would be better than that simmering, hateful rage that boiled in his eyes and made the bond between them feel like a noose ready to be tied around her neck, but instead Logain hardly raised his voice, it was just that now venom dripped from every word and his eyes held a such burning rage that their gaze felt like a physical touch upon the Brown sister's body.  
«For three thousand years your sisterhood have hunted down male channelers, dragged them to your Light forsaken Tower and done to them what you yourself can not even speak of without shuddering! I endured it Gabrelle, it is torture and I am not talking about the pain as it is done, excruciating as that might be, the physical torment last for only a few moments then it is over. The torture begins once the physical pain have passed, when you try to touch the Source for the first time after they are done with you and find...nothing. Then follows...time...life I guess with something missing in your head and that hole tries to swallow you until nothing have color or light or joy anymore, how is that right to do to anyone? You tell me that, how is that in any way right? And talking about flaws how is that not flawed when a kind death would have ended the threat a male channeler poses just as easily as that cursed weave!»

For a moment Logain's carefully constructed mask fell and anguish showed on his face as well as fear and of course anger the only emotion he to a certain degree usually let show, then his face was stone again, however it was clear that talking about his experiences at the White Tower was not an easy thing for him and the memories where a heavy burden. Gabrelle slowly stood, despite her sudden fear of her captor she went to Logain's side and wrapped her arms around him, he was so large, it was like holding a mountain in her embrace. The Brown sister put her head against her lover's chest and she could hear his heart racing with barely contained emotion. Gabrelle felt that urge to protect Logain well up inside of her again again, along with the desire to brush away his painful memories, if only she could. For a moment that bottomless pit of despair that Gabrelle had seen a glimpse of in their shared dream flashed past her memory and she shivered, that was what Logain had lived with for well over a year, what so many others had lived with until they died, Gabrelle felt her eyes water with sympathy and she blinked to clear her vision, Logain did not want her sympathies, he wanted her answers.  
«It is not right, none of it is right Logain, but my sisterhood have done what we feel we have to in order for the world to be safe from another breaking. Perhaps our methods have been flawed but we have done as good as we could and with the best of intentions.»  
Gabrelle looked up into her lover's eyes, then found she was unable to look away, Light a woman could down in that nearly black gaze, the Brown sister had to take a few deep breaths before she was able to continue talking.  
«I can not say if what was done to you where right and just. I am Aes Sedai Logain and part of me say that it was, you where a False Dragon, you started wars and did more than your fair share of damage and even if we look past all of that sooner or later you will go insane, yes part of me say that what was done was right and that if the Tower is given a chance then it should be done again, I know that statement makes you enraged, but it is the truth, I am Aes Sedai and I can not change that.»  
Logain tensed as Gabrelle spoke and his eyes grew darker, they where more obsidian than brown now, but he did not go into another rage, the Brown sister used the chance to finish speaking her piece, she lifted one hand and placed it against Logain's rough cheek.  
«But on a personal level Ablar I do not wish for such a fate for most of the men I have met here, yesterday a boy no more than fifteen asked me to help him read a letter from home, his grin as he heard his mother's words about his younger sister where warm enough to melt snow, I shudder at the thought of such a child put though what my sisters would do to him. Later that same day an older man with hair as white as the ground in winter stopped his dog from attacking me and then held the animal and urged me to pet it, I have not been that close to a dog since I begun to channel, and yet this old man made me feel safe around the beast, I would not wish such a fate on him either. Master Genhald with his demure nature and his beautiful gateways, Evin who look like he should be chasing girls in his village rather than toss fireballs, Arel Malevin always polite though more than a little bit guarded, I do not wish to see any of them gentled. As an Aes Sedai it would be my duty to try to take them in if I was ever given a chance, but as a woman I bear them no ill will.»  
Gabrelle lifted her hand just a little bit more so she could run he fingers through Logain's soft, dark hair, never taking her eyes from his as she continued speaking.  
«And least of all Logain would I want to see something like that happen to you. The part of me that is Aes Sedai have a duty to try to do all I can to bring you in, but the part of me who are just a woman would do anything in her power to keep you safe.»  
Gabrelle let her hand sink down until she could wrap it around her lover's waist again.  
«But Logain know this I am both of those, both the Aes Sedai and the woman Gabrelle, I am conflicted when it comes to you, and that is the truth and I feel I will be conflicted for a long time. I have never hated male channelers, I am not a Red after all, but to share pillow with one, that is something I would have never imagined for my life.»  
The dark haired man had not spoken as Gabrelle struggled to put words to her feelings towards him and towards his kind in general, her words where filled with the conflict caused by beginning to fall for a man that by Tower law and tradition was the enemy, finally he just pulled her close and whispered.  
«I am conflicted about you as well Gabrelle, but I can live with that conflict.»  
Logain bent down and kissed his captive and for what seamed like an age all toughs of conflicts and laws and traditions fled from Gabrelle's mind and all she felt was her lover's lips hot like burning coal on her own.

For the next half and hour Logain and Gabrelle was in one another's arms getting hot and sweaty from their activity of choice to try to release the tension the shared dream and following discussion had caused, once they had finished enjoying one another Gabrelle rested her head on Logain's chest, by the Light the man knew how to satisfy a woman, and from the grin on his face he had rather enjoyed the tumble in the bedsheets himself.  
«I am going recruiting tomorrow and I assume you and Toveine are insisting coming along as usual, so we will need to get at least some sleep.»  
Logain muttered and Gabrelle did not think sleep would be hard to find now, lovemaking with the former False Dragon was satisfying but rather exhausting. In the back of her mind Gabrelle felt the surge of joy and life that told her Logain was channeling and she glanced at him as if that would do any good in telling what he was doing, she might as well glance at a stone and hope it would start singing her a ditty.  
«I am just warding my dreams Gabrelle, I do not want you to have to experience any more of my...bad memories.»  
The dark haired channeler said kindly when he noticed his captive's questioning eyes. Gabrelle shook her head and raised herself up on one arm so she could look at her lover, with her other hand she stroked a stray strand of dark hair away from his face.  
«No Logain, those dreams are a part of your past, and while I wish you would try to put that past behind you, as long as those dreams come it is still haunting you, perhaps it always will. I can not understand what you have been though Logain, and frankly I do not want to understand just that, but I do care for you and you have carried this burden alone for so long, if the dreams come, let them come, and if I can I will try to help ease the pain of those memories.»  
The dark haired man hesitated, in his eyes held an unreadable expression, perhaps it was fondness, then he nodded and released saidin.  
«Very well Gabrelle, sleep now and if my dreams bleed into yours again, I pray that they are happier ones, but should the bad ones come...well, let me know if you want me to start warding my dreams again, but for now, I am glad that for once I do not have to face them alone.»  
Gabrelle smiled then she closed her eyes, soon sleep came, the Brown sister's arms where still wrapped around her lover's warm body, if she shared his mind through the bond, and his body in bed, she could handle sharing his nightmares as well. As the night continued towards dawn the two channelers slept peacefully wrapped in one another's arms, they did not share any more dreams that night and only the heat of their bodies passed between them, that and a growing feeling of fondness for one another's presence, they might be prisoner and captor, enemies by law, but at that moment perfect sleeping in one another's embrace they where just lovers.  
**  
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End file.
